I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
