Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
