My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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