Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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