When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
