We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
