Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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