can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
