I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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