I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
