Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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