I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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