It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
