Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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