i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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