you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
