she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
