Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
