shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
