saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
