Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
