it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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