I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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