Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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