I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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