I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
