I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's never too late to be topless.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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