the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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