I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
