i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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