I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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