i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
