And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
