please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
