I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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