No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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