New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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