Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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