I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
