i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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