At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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