Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
