it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
