I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
