this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
