Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
