theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
