You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
