dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
