Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
