You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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