Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
