for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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